


pink noise

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Bisexual Character, Brief Mention of Suicide, Depression, F/M, LGBTQ Themes, Misogyny, Misophonia, Motorboating, Sex Work, Therapy, Transphobia, adult attention deficit disorder, hasshi cameo, meisa cameo, past koyashige, past shigemassu, side koyakura, side nakamassu, transgender character, unconventional romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 02:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14559075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Shige hates his job and has a complex aboutnotbeing gay.





	pink noise

**Author's Note:**

> this started as a way to express my own work frustrations, and i ended up learning something. writing is the best therapy! shout out to my own cubicle neighbor for providing me with 99% of ryo's dialogue and overall behavior. misophonia is a very real hearing condition that is currently untreatable.

This is the third time this week that Shige has fantasized about quitting his job, and it's only Tuesday. The fantasies range in extremity between calmly submitting his notice to Yamashita and punching Nishikido in his smug face before storming out. Sometimes, he does both.

He would never really _hit_ anyone, of course, but the more his cubicle neighbor purposely makes loud noises just to annoy him and then makes fun of him for getting mad, the more he wants to.

 _Family-owned start-up seeks content writer_ , the ad had read when Shige had first applied for it, fresh out of business school and looking to develop his writing professionally, but it turned out to be an administrative assistant position in disguise. With the economy the way it was, he couldn't afford to be picky, and at least he got to sit down and stay inside all day, as his father consistently reminded him. Everyone has to start somewhere.

Joke's on him because it's been five years and he's still putting up with the same shit every day, only now he gets an extra week of vacation and stock options. He gets paid fairly well and the benefits are decent enough, but he's consistently wondering if it's worth the stress and frustration of putting up with grown men who act like children.

Every female he complains to just smiles at him and welcomes him to her life, feeling some sense of justice at a man suffering the same mistreatment they've been getting for years. Shige would be happier degrading himself for the sake of gender equality if he wasn't popping ibuprofen like candy and struggling to keep his anger under control, because that makes them pick on him even _more_.

Shige doesn't have kids for a reason, and that reason is four feet away pushing his straw in and out of his soda cup, making a noise equivalent to fingernails on a blackboard to Shige's abused ears.

"Can you please stop doing that?" Shige asks as nicely as he can manage.

"You mean _this_?" Nishikido fires back, making the noise several more times, and Shige sits on his hands not to email his supervisor about wearing earplugs at his desk again. The last time he tried that, Yamashita had fired back an inexhaustive list of noisy things that Shige does that can be heard from across the open office, such as blowing his nose and stamping paperwork for five minutes straight.

And now that Nishikido knows this particular noise bothers Shige, he will add it to his own list of things with which to torture Shige all day, which includes keeping his cell phone and computer speakers at full volume so that every chime and ding digs right into Shige's brain. Another favorite is banging his fist on his desk for no reason, then rolling his chair around the corner to laugh at Shige's involuntary cringe.

It doesn't help that most of Shige's job depends on Nishikido to do his, and Nishikido is the laziest person alive. Every day, Shige scrambles to make his own deadlines because Nishikido does what he wants when he pleases, and it's Shige's desk that the recruiters and clients hover over because the work isn't done yet.

He can only say, "I'm waiting for Nishikido-kun to send me the data," so many times before it sounds like a rehearsed excuse. Nobody listens to what he says anyway.

"I feel like an alcoholic," Shige mutters as he throws back another high ball after work with his best friend, Koyama. Lately, happy hour has been an every day event, relocated to Shige's apartment from the bar when the loud chatter from the other patrons started making his headache worse.

"You really need to quit," Koyama tells him for the millionth time. "There are tons of other jobs out there."

"It's the same shit everywhere," Shige grumbles. "Humanity is a cesspool of rude, selfish bags of douche who get off on making other people's lives miserable, and nobody will do anything about them."

Koyama frowns. "I wish there was something I could do to make it better, but I don't think you want a job at my school."

Shige laughs out loud at the thought of wrangling overactive toddlers to focus and be nice to each other all day. "Somehow, I think working with _real_ children would be easier than the grown men who act like I'm there to wipe their asses. Last week, Yokoyama just sat there and watched me box up his filing. He wasn't even doing anything else!"

"Isn't he the reason they couldn't keep a woman as a secretary?" Koyama asks.

" _Administrative assistant_ ," Shige hisses. "Slash content writer. And yes, although he's just as bad with me. Keeps commenting how my pants fit well in the back and how he hates to see me go, but loves to watch me leave."

"You _do_ have a nice butt," Koyama tells him, and Shige rolls his eyes. "It's gonna fill out a lot more if you keep stress eating and binge drinking."

"You're helping so much," Shige says sarcastically, then sighs. He's known Koyama too long to really get aggravated with him, even when the older man deserves it. After spending eight hours getting bullied for pay, all Koyama really has to do is keep his voice down and he can say whatever he wants.

Masuda takes an alternate approach. "You need to find a way to release all of this anger that builds up inside of you all day, or you really are gonna snap and punch your nightmare coworker. I recommend exercise!"

"You would," Shige mutters. "I'm so _tired_ after work, and I can barely get out of bed as it is."

"You're just full of excuses today, aren't you?" Masuda teases, and Shige stares at him. "Okay then, go get laid."

Shige's stare becomes incredulous. "Did that just come out of _your_ mouth?"

"Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't see the physiological value in a good old-fashioned romp between the sheets." Masuda grins. "Or wherever you all like to do it. Just keep it consensual."

"Even sex seems like too much effort right now," Shige says, scoffing at Masuda's worried look. "Not all of us want it all the time," he adds.

Masuda shrugs. "Could have fooled me. There's a bar in Shinjuku Nichome you might like. It's lowkey and chill for the less flashy gays."

Shige laughs. "Sounds like my kind of place. Maybe I'll go check it out."

"Please do, and soon." Masuda gives him a pointed look. "You're so riled up that you're stressing me out by proxy. I'll have to stop by the gym as soon as we're done here."

Shige considers all the gyoza they'd just put away and gets a stomach cramp just by thinking about working out. The only place he's going is his couch, where he'll zone out while watching something mindless on Netflix until he inevitably drags himself to bed.

Fridays are especially torturous. Shige doesn't know if it's just because he's spent an entire week tolerating asinine behavior or if his coworkers are even more obnoxious in preparation for the weekend, but he spends the entire afternoon on edge while Nishikido and Yamashita holler to each other over the cubicles like they don't have interoffice phones.

They're not even fighting; that's just how they communicate. Additionally, Shige has to fix more of Nishikido's "oversights" than usual, when Nishikido actually gets around to routing anything, that is. It would be so much faster (and more efficient) if Shige could do it himself, but they won't give him access to the program. Shige is convinced it's solely because he could put Nishikido out of a job by taking care of everything himself.

All he wants to do after work is bask in the peaceful silence of his apartment, but the neighborhood kids are outside playing and their screeches physically pain him even through the closed windows. He honestly doesn't understand how the continuous bounce of a basketball on the sidewalk can make him mildly homicidal, but it does. Giving up on any kind of relaxation for the unforeseeable future, he decides to take Masuda up on his advice and seek out an overnight companion.

Since it's supposed to be a lowkey place, Shige doesn't try very hard. Jeans and a T-shirt usually gets him the kind of attention he's looking for, even if Koyama's right and he _has_ packed on a few extra pounds. He grabs a plaid button-down in case it gets cold and stocks up on travel-size lube and condoms, ready for a long overdue night of debauchery. If nothing else, he'll meet new people and be distracted for a little while.

It's still early when he gets there, so the place isn't very populated. Masuda had been a little misleading about it being lowkey, but nothing in Shinjuku Nichome is any less than fabulous. Shige used to come here a lot when he first came out, before he was even old enough to really do anything here, just for the accepting atmosphere and company of other people like him.

Even now, at thirty years old, it's refreshing to walk into an establishment and already know he's with kindred spirits, that nobody's going to drag him out into the alley and kick his ass for looking at them too long, even if it's just because he's staring off into the distance. Sometimes, they even stare back.

There's a pair of men sitting at the bar when he gets there, clearly coupled, but they're happy to have company and insist that Shige join them. Their names are Maruyama and Yasuda and they've been together for seven years, which blows Shige's mind because he hasn't managed to keep a boyfriend for longer than a few months.

"Relationships aren't for everyone," Yasuda says brightly. "For lots of people--gay, straight, and in-between--friendships and platonic connections are just as good, if not better than romantic relationships."

Shige nods as he signals for the bartender, who's grumpy enough to offset all of the rainbows in the neighborhood. Shige orders a medium-shelf whiskey straight and starts to reach for his wallet when Maruyama lightly touches his arm.

"Let us get this," he offers, and Shige starts to shrug when the bartender speaks up.

"Already paid for," he mutters. "Compliments of the hot mess in the corner."

All three of their heads turn in the direction he's gesturing, where a rather elegantly dressed woman sits at a table alone. She lifts her drink when she sees them looking, sending Shige a well-crafted wink, and Shige has never felt so violated from someone of the opposite gender before.

"Ah, Yuuko-chan!" Yasuda says, offering a wave that the woman ignores. "Tacchon, I thought you told her she wasn't allowed to solicit here anymore."

"She's _retired_ ," the bartender (Tacchon) replies, stressing the word like he was mocking  the whole situation. "She turned thirty and nobody wanted to pay for her old ass anymore."

"She's barking up the wrong tree, isn't she?" Shige asks as nicely as he can manage.

"Depends on what you're into," Maruyama says evasively, and Shige stares at him expectedly, waiting for him to elaborate. "You'll have to find out for yourself," he finally adds.

"Go thank her!" Yasuda suggests, his smile way too big to have good intentions.

"Ah, what the hell. It's the polite thing to do," Shige agrees, sliding off of his stool with his drink in hand to cross the room. Yuuko watches him the whole time, and Shige feels like she's the one reeling him in with her eyes. "Hello," he greets her.

"Hi, yourself," she says, her voice light and airy and luring Shige into a trance. "I haven't seen you here before."

"I don't go out much," Shige tells her. "Um, thank you for the drink."

"You're welcome," she tells him, flashing a smile that seems to illuminate her heavily made up face. "I'm Tegoshi Yuuko."

"Kato Shigeaki," he introduces himself, then sends a quick glance over to Maruyama and Yasuda, who look entirely too amused. "I'm sorry, Yuuko-san. You're very pretty, but I'm only into men."

Yuuko laughs, and Shige's eyes widen as her voice comes out much deeper and richer. "Only into men, or only into dick?"

Shige stares at her. "I-I don't know," he answers honestly. "I haven't had to separate the two before."

"Well, I'm a woman," Yuuko says firmly, though she isn't bothering to mask her voice anymore. "But I also have a penis. Can we still be friends?"

"Friends, sure," Shige answers absently, his brain a little scrambled from Yuuko's entire existence before him, perched on her chair in a slinky evening gown with six-inch platform heels. "So, you used to be a hooker?"

Yuuko laughs, tossing her perfectly curled blonde hair back over her shoulder. "Tacchon talks shit. I was an _escort_. Men paid me for companionship, not sex."

"But sometimes sex was had," Shige prompts.

"Oh, sex was _always_ had," Yuuko assures him, and Shige can't decide whether to be impressed or appalled. "Perks of the job."

Shige shakes his head in disbelief. "That's not really the right way to market yourself to me," he says slowly.

"I thought you weren't attracted to women?" Yuuko asks seriously, her smirk growing as Shige opens his mouth and closes it again. "It's okay, Shige. We're friends, right?"

Shige's too bewildered to care that this one is addressing him so personally within five minutes of making his acquiescence. "Sure."

"Yay!" Yuuko squeals as she grabs him by the arm and pulls him into the next chair.

"You're strong!" he exclaims.

"I play soccer," she tells him. "I'm actually a big tomboy, but I have all of these lovely dresses left over from my old job, so I like to femme it up every now and then."

"Job," Shige scoffs, and Yuuko puts her hands on her hips.

"Okay, Judgey McJudgerson, what kind of work do you do, if mine is so inferior?"

Shige shuts up real fast. "Sorry, sorry. I work in an office. It's awful."

"What, like sales?" she asks. "Management? Finance?"

"Administration," he admits, and she gasps. "I know, it's shocking."

"Good on you!" she exclaims, pounding her fist on the table so hard that Shige nearly falls out of his chair. "Women and nonbinary people seen as women have been abused in that industry for far too long. I could only do it for a week before I sought out a more respected occupation. Way to take one for the team."

"Feminist of the year, right here," Shige drones. "I could probably get something better, but I spend _all day_ applying for jobs for our clients. I definitely don't want to do it for myself in my free time."

Yuuko nods. "There's always porn."

"I don't think I'm that desperate," Shige says. "No offense."

"Oh, I haven't done porn," Yuuko tells him. "It's way too degrading."

Shige bites back a comment about an "escort" saying that something is too degrading, taking the opportunity to bitch about his job instead. "My one friend thinks I should get a new job, but my other friend just thinks I need to get laid."

"I'm sure they mean well," Yuuko says gently, and Shige laughs. "How did you meet them?"

"Surprisingly, or maybe not, they were my boyfriends first," Shige reluctantly admits. "We didn't date for very long, but we've been friends ever since."

"You dated both of them?" Yuuko asks, and Shige nods. "At the same time?"

"No!" Shige exclaims, laughing until he sees Yuuko's straight face. "Were you serious?"

"Some people are polyamorous, Shige," Yuuko tells him, and Shige blinks. "That couple you were talking to at the bar, for instance."

That has Shige straightening up, chancing another look toward the two men who had been so nice to him when he first walked in. They're now chatting up a smaller man with long, dark hair, though Yasuda notices Shige and offers a small wave.

Shige turns back to Yuuko. "I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Never met a transgender person _or_ heard of polyamory?" Yuuko asks with a perfectly waxed eyebrow raised. "Have you been living under a rock for the past couple years?"

"Close," Shige answers. "An office with a bunch of misogynists."

"Ah, I suppose cismen can only handle one social justice movement at a time." Yuuko grins and Shige can't tell whether she's kidding or not. "Anyway, if you want to take your friend's advice, I can help you out."

"You know someone who's hiring?" Shige guesses.

" _No_." Yuuko's grin fades into an inviting smile, and Shige doesn't know what the hell he's attracted to anymore. "Think about it. I'll give you my number, and if you change your mind, you can let me know. Or you can just text me for no reason, because we're friends."

Shige simply nods as he hands his phone over for Yuuko to input her information. Her phone goes off and Shige realizes that she'd sent herself a message from his phone so that she would have his number too.

"If you insist on fucking a cisman, Tacchon would probably do you," Yuuko goes on, and Shige frowns as he considers the crabby bartender. "He only looks like he hates everyone because he doesn't like to work. Get him on his back and he's like a kitten."

Shige starts to ask what exactly that means, then figures he doesn't want to know. "I'll pass. The night is still young, right? Maybe Mr. Right Now will show up a bit later."

Yuuko snorts unattractively, and Shige's drawn to her even more. "When he does, let me know. I'm an excellent wingwoman."

Shige keeps an eye out, but nobody really strikes his fancy. That could be because he's happy enough talking to Yuuko, getting to know her while bonding over their shared distaste for straight men. He'd meant what he had told Masuda--he doesn't _always_ want sex, even if that's why they hadn't worked out as a couple.

Koyama hadn't had a problem in that department, but they were too different in other ways. Koyama's happy and optimistic while Shige's realistic and cynical. They balanced each other out well as friends, but not lovers. As much as Koyama loved him (and still does), he had to break it off when he kept getting upset that he couldn't elevate Shige's mood just by being around.

It only sucks when Shige has a really bad day and goes home to an empty apartment. He could get a pet, but he's allergic to cats and dogs require too much maintenance. The first week after he meets Yuuko, she sends him pictures and videos of her poodle, Emma, whom she introduces as her emotional support animal.

 _What do you need an emotional support animal for?_ he types back, realizing too late that it can be read as a mocking accusation instead of his intended curiosity.

 _Depression, mostly_ , she answers bluntly, followed by, _Not everybody who has demons openly shares them with the world, you know_.

Shige thinks about that as he ignores Nishikido blasting enka on his computer speakers for four hours straight. Work has actually been tolerable up until now, or maybe he's just been distracted. Upon learning about Shige's (un)eventful night out, Koyama had teased him about going straight and Masuda had somewhat of an existential crisis trying to figure out whether Shige would still be gay or not if he dated her.

Truth be told, Shige's a little fucked up about that too, but he did some Googling and the general consensus of all the social justice blogs is that he is whatever he says he is. He learns so much about so many different kinds of people that his mind spins, but it's a pleasant existence where nothing is black and white and everything is infinite shades of gray.

He might be okay with just being queer, he thinks.

Yuuko invites him over on a Wednesday night to meet Emma and have some mid-week down time. Shige's mildly incapacitated when she answers the door in an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants cut off at the knee, her hair all over the place and no makeup.

"Don't look so shocked," she greets him. "Glam Yuuko only comes out on the weekends. This is hump day Yuuko who has spent three straight days wearing a headset and talking people into orgasm. It's more exhausting than it sounds."

"What kind of people call a sex line during the weekday anyway?" Shige wonders out loud. "Don't they have jobs?"

"You would be surprised how many of them call _from_ their jobs," Yuuko says, and Shige makes a face as he thinks of every time Murakami has closed his office door and his extension was lit up for twenty minutes. "Besides, I like to fuck in the morning, so it's probably different for everyone."

Shige accepts that and turns his attention to the curly-haired puppy that races up to meet him. "Ah, you must be Emma-chan! You're so cute!"

"Thank you, Shige!" Yuuko chirps in this baby voice that has Shige visibly cringing. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt your ears?"

He's heard that many times before, but this is the first time it's actually a genuine concern. "Yeah," he admits. "I'm sorry. My hearing is really sensitive because of the inconsiderate assholes in my office."

"I'll keep that in mind," Yuuko says seriously, using her quiet feminine voice again, and Shige looks up to see her smiling. "She really is cute, isn't she? She saved my life."

Shige wants to ask how, but it's not his business and anyway, Emma demands his attention. Yuuko seems content to stand there and watch Shige play with her dog for the time being, then flops down onto the couch and turns on the TV like he's not even there.

"Do I have to wear a bra around you?" she asks after a few minutes.

"No?" Shige replies. "I mean, I like boobs as much as the next gay man, but I'm not gonna be affected if I see them jiggle or whatever happens when they roam free."

Yuuko laughs, and Shige watches in amazement as she pulls her arms inside her shirt and returns with her bra completely detached. He doesn't notice much of a difference after it's tossed dramatically aside, but he's not looking very hard--out of respect and out of disinterest.

"They're real, you know," she tells him, grabbing onto them with both hands. "They're not very big, but they're _mine_. My mom wanted me to get implants, but I didn't want to alter my body. I'm still a woman no matter what parts I have."

"Your mom was a part of your transition?" Shige asks curiously, and Yuuko nods. "In most of the stories I read, the parents aren't supportive at all."

"I'm one of the lucky ones," Yuuko says fondly. "I knew from a young age that I was a girl, so my mom bought me dresses and kept my hair long. I got on puberty blockers and started HRT in junior high, then legally changed my name and gender marker on my eighteenth birthday. Ironically, once I didn't have to try so hard to pass as a woman, I stopped being feminine."

"I don't know how to think of you," Shige tells her honestly, petting Emma a little harder to distract himself from what he's saying. "My entire life, I have only wanted to be with men, and I feel transphobic by continuing to think that way while being attracted to you."

"Ah, Shige's attracted to me?" Yuuko exclaims, bouncing in her seat, and Shige tries to hide his amusement as her breasts actually do jiggle. "I didn't expect that at all. I thought we were just going to be friends."

"We can still be friends," Shige says, thinking back to what Yasuda had told him about nonamorous people at the bar. "Friends who are attracted to each other."

Yuuko lifts an eyebrow at him.  "Who said I'm attracted to you?"

"You did," Shige says slowly, suddenly distrusting of his memory. "You bought me a drink!"

"Because I hadn't seen you there before!" Yuuko replies, looking entirely too smug as Shige trips over his words. "Maybe I just wanted to save you before you became the meat in a MaruYasu sandwich."

Shige squeezes his eyes shut at that mental image. "I don't think it would have gotten _that_ far."

"It's okay, Shige," Yuuko says gently, much like she had the first time they spoke. "I'm attracted to you too. I'm used to this conundrum, actually, since most straight men are fuckboys and bisexual or pansexual men are a rarity. I'm left with gay men, who usually go one of two ways--either they denounce their identity and go bi for me, or they just pretend I'm a man with boobs."

"That's so rude," Shige scoffs indignantly, and Yuuko smiles. "And you're okay with that?"

"If the dick is good enough, he can call me by my deadname." Yuuko shrugs. "I'm lucky, remember? I haven't had many invalidating experiences because of who I am. Other women just assume I belong in their bathroom, and the men I date are already aware of what's in my pants. I haven't had to use that name since I graduated high school, so it doesn't bother me now. It's Yuuya, by the way."

Shige just nods, not sure what to say to that. "Is it possible to be bi but only attracted to transwomen?" he asks.

"Anything is possible when it's your fucking identity," Yuuko says calmly. "Do you need to answer to the LGBTQ police or something? Honestly, the way the cis gays act like vaginas are gross and women are an inconvenience is almost as bad as the misogynistic straights thinking that women only exist to stick their dicks into. It's 2018, for fuck's sake. Ditch the binary already."

"You are the most interesting person I have ever met," Shige says. "Please let me kiss you."

"Okay, but you gotta come up here," Yuuko answers, looking put out like making any kind of effort was more than she had in mind tonight.

Shige shifts the short distance over to the couch, heaving himself up with the little arm muscles he's managed to accumulate. Now that he's close enough to look at Yuuko properly, he notices the creases in her face, the smile lines around her mouth and worry lines on her forehead. Her eyes are just as big without makeup and her lips just as enticing, and Shige finally shuts down the debate of his sexuality in his head as he leans in to kiss her.

It's like any other time he's kissed anyone, only different in the way that all people are different. He can't even say her lips are softer because Masuda obsessively balms his. Her arms slide around his waist and they're not any stronger or weaker than he's used to, which he belatedly realizes has nothing to do with gender anyway. After a few presses of their lips together, he gives up trying to define it and enjoys what it is and how it makes him feel.

"So, what do you think?" she asks when they break apart, lingering close enough that Shige can feel her breath on his cheek.

"I think I like this," he says clearly. "And I like you."

She's grinning as she returns to his mouth, sliding their lips together a couple more times before licking her way between them. Shige gasps when their tongues touch, his hand sliding up her jaw while hers sneak under his shirt, and everything gets so much hotter once her fingers are spreading over his skin.

"Wait," Shige halts them, and Yuuko makes a deflated noise as she catches her breath. "Is this really a good idea?"

"Making out is always a good idea," she answers easily, his hands still roaming around his waist. She reaches the flesh of his abdomen and he tenses, expecting a crack about his weight, but she just drifts her nails along the skin and it relaxes him. "I'll just touch you tonight. That will give you time to decide if you want to touch me or not."

"I think I do," Shige says, but Yuuko shakes her head.

"Only this, tonight."

Shige feels selfish as Yuuko pulls off his shirt and leans down to kiss his collarbones, but he's not about to ignore her blatant lack of consent and touch her anyway. It's nice to lie back and let someone ravish him, even if Yuuko seems to take her time acquainting herself with Shige's skin.

"You're so touch-starved," she comments when his nerves flutter under her exploration. "Doesn't staying friends with your exes mean occasional sex?"

"Not with these ones," Shige answers, arching as her nails rake up and down his sides. "Koyama only _makes love_ and Masuda isn't into sex at all. I've really only had the energy for one-night stands since I've had this job, and it's been a long time since I even made the time for that."

"That makes you sound like a fuckboy, you know," Yuuko points out, though it doesn't hinder her actions any. "I know you're not, but usually people want to believe that the person they're letting inside them see them as more than just a vessel to get off."

"Yeah, I know." Shige's sigh turns into a soft moan when Yuuko licks one of his nipples. "Putting up with my coworkers all day sucks up all of the tolerance I could otherwise devote to someone I actually like."

"I feel special then," Yuuko tells him, glancing up through her messy bangs as she mouths her way down past Shige's belly button. "If I suck you off, are you gonna ghost me?"

"No, definitely not," Shige promises, then can't resist adding, "Your dog is too cute to ghost."

Yuuko laughs out loud as she opens Shige's pants, sending his eyes rolling back into his head as he's touched by someone other than himself for the first time in a long while. He obediently lifts his hips as she frees his incredibly hard cock and gives it a few strokes before darting her tongue out to lick the tip.

" _Yuuko_ ," he draws out, noticing how her eyes light up at the praise, and all at once he understands why she had enjoyed being an escort so much. "Please."

He expects her to tease, maybe make him earn her compliance, but she slowly takes him past her lips until he feels the wet heat all around him. Naturally, she wouldn't have a gag reflex, and the way she swallows around the head has him squirming and gasping for air. She doesn't seem quick to get him off, so he lies back and enjoys it, gently threading his fingers through the mop on her head for some semblance of intimacy.

His orgasm is slow-building, a concept that would have been foreign before now, and it feels even better when she gradually speeds up. He starts to warn her, but she just sucks him faster and he comes so hard that he blacks out a little, grounded only by her hands on his hips and the messy hair between his fingers.

He lowers his hand to her jaw as he catches his breath, and she's regarding him fondly when he manages to focus his eyes enough to look at her. "Thanks," he says. "That felt really good."

"It looked like it did," she says, licking her lips as she crawls back up his body and settles between him and the back of the couch. His arm wraps around her on its own, and she makes a noise of contentment as she snuggles closer, pressing an unexpected erection into his hip.

It blows his mind even more, but it's familiar enough to have him ignoring all of the thoughts that want to race through his mind in favor of the present moment. "Sure you don't want me to do something about that?" he asks, turning his head to speak into her forehead.

"I'll be okay," she says, not that she stops moving against him or making soft noises of pleasure. "I might rub off on you though."

"Fine with me," Shige agrees, his reality distorting a bit when her noises escalate into full-blown moans, one arm snug across his waist to cling to him as she moves.

It's wildly intimate for still having most of their clothes on, and Shige no longer questions how he feels about her when she twitches against him, breathing out his name in the sweetest melody as she comes. Her voice is the most pleasant sound his ears have heard in weeks.

He still hears it in the back of his mind when he's back at work, gently badgering Nishikido for the data he needs to do his job. His patience has been fully replenished for the rest of the week, not rising to Nishikido's bait even when his personal cell phone rings three times in a row, and Yamashita sends him an email praising him for calmly getting his work done and making an effort to get along with "Ryo-chan."

Masuda preens about being right, even if Shige protests that getting a blowjob didn't magically cure his hearing pains. "If anything, I feel even more helpless to sit there and endure it," he admits at the barbeque Masuda throws that weekend.

"If he's like any other bully, he'll get bored when he doesn't get a reaction out of you after a while," Koyama speaks up. "We teach the kids at my school to respect each other's boundaries, of course, but teasing still happens. While it's important to stand up for yourself, there's only so much you can do if the other party refuses to relent."

"It's sad that your students are more well-behaved than my adult coworkers," Shige mutters, and Koyama gives him a sad smile over the top of his beer. "Yesterday, Kuroki deadass told me to 'get over it' in a meeting when I brought up how people keep swiping office supplies from my desk. Apparently, it's _everyone's_ desk and I should just shut up and replace whatever's missing every morning instead of 'crying about it'."

"Isn't Kuroki a woman?" Masuda asks.

"She is," Shige answers. "She prides herself on being 'one of the guys' by wearing suits and showing no emotion. I avoid her the most out of all of them, because she likes to pick on me for being 'too sensitive' by 'letting' things bother me."

"Sounds like a lot of internal misogyny there," Koyama comments, and Shige nods. Neither one of them are qualified to speak on that though, which is probably why Koyama changes the topic abruptly. "Speaking of women, are you going to keep seeing Yuuko-chan?"

"I'm not _seeing_ her," Shige automatically protests, then cowers under two knowing glances. "I mean, not officially. I really like her, and I'm definitely going to enjoy her company, but I don't want a relationship."

"You don't want a relationship, or you don't want to be seen as straight?" Masuda asks knowingly, and suddenly Shige feels teamed up on. There's a reason he doesn't usually hang out with both of them at the same time. They know him too well and don't hesitate to call him on his bullshit.

"I don't know," Shige huffs. "Why does it have to be so _final_? Why can't we just have fun together without it being a big deal?"

"Aren't you the one making it a big deal?" Koyama challenges. "If she presented as a man, you wouldn't think twice about boyfriending her and showing her off to the whole gay community. When we were together, you practically paraded me around campus to showcase our same-sex love, daring someone to start something."

"You were really affectionate with me in public too," Masuda adds, and Shige instantly regrets staying friends with his exes for so long. "It's obvious that being seen as gay and standing up for gay rights is something that's important to you, which would be thwarted if you were to start being seen with a woman."

"Even if you told everyone she's trans, part of _their_ movement is recognizing their gender over their body parts," Koyama says gently. " _You_ have to decide if your feelings for her are worth giving up on being the poster boy for homosexuality."

Masuda nods. "Honestly, there are enough of us carrying the rainbow flag that it's not like all the progress we've made is suddenly gonna roll backwards if you defect--it's more about how you look at yourself and what makes you proud to be _you_."

"I still get to carry the flag even if I'm bi, you know," Shige points out, and they both give him pitying smiles. "Do we have to talk about this right now? I'm trying to have fun at a gay barbeque."

Koyama gives him a look that plainly says 'I rest my case' and Masuda just returns to the grill, leaving Shige free to scan the other guests until he sees one who stands out from the rest. "Yuuko?"

"Shige!" she exclaims from across Masuda's backyard, earning the attention of literally everyone in attendance. Shige tries to hide his cringe as she bounds toward him as excitedly as the poodle on her leash, but she notices his involuntary reaction and halts herself a few feet away. "Is it okay that I'm here? It looks like we both know Kame-chan."

Shige glances over at the mutual acquaintance from the restaurant Masuda owns, who looks as curious as the others about how Shige and Yuuko are acquainted. It's ironic that even in a group of gay men, a man and a woman can't just be friends without something else going on. In this instance, however, it's true.

The way Shige sees it, he has two options. He can either hug Yuuko the way he wants to and ignore the disappointed looks from people he doesn't even really know that well, or he can keep her at a distance and save face. Being the true coward he is, he does neither, seeing a way out by stooping down to pet Emma.

He doesn't count on Yuuko kneeling too, frowning at him as she reads the situation. Her hair is pushed out of her face by a backwards snapback, amplifying the disappointment in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll leave."

"No," Shige rushes to say, but then he's flanked by Koyama and Masuda who make the situation even worse by loudly asking if this is the infamous Yuuko-chan and saying they've heard so much about her.

Nakamaru, Masuda's current live-in partner, chooses that minute to approach them and look longingly at the grill, oblivious to the atmosphere as usual. "When will the meat be done, Taka?" he whines. "I'm starving."

"Not too much longer," Masuda assures him, pressing a kiss to his lips to appease the hungry man. Then, ever the host, he turns to the new addition to their group. "Have you met Yuuko-chan yet?"

"Yeah, we all know her," Nakamaru says dismissively, and Shige tilts his head at the uncharacteristic rudeness. "She used to turn tricks at Ueda's lounge before he banned her."

"I'm retired now," she says coolly as she straightens up, like she were discussing any other industry. "I'm really sorry, but I can't stay. I just remembered I have somewhere else to be."

"Yuuko, wait--" Shige calls out, his delayed reaction leaving him looking at her retreating back by the time the words come out.

"It's okay," she says brightly, casting a very fake smile over her shoulder. "I told you. I'm used to it."

Shige watches her disappear out the back gate and his surroundings suddenly cave in on him, making him very aware of all the eyes on him. One pair in particular with impeccable eyebrows immediately jogs over to him, offering a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry, man," Kamenashi says, offering his arm to help Shige stand back up. "She plays soccer with my younger brother and overheard me talking about this barbeque, so I didn't want to be rude. I didn't know you two had history."

It's Koyama's gentle squeeze to Shige's arm that has him squaring his shoulders, staring Kamenashi dead in the eye as he replies, "We don't have history. We have the present."

He likes to think he struts out of the yard with the air of someone who couldn't give a shit if everyone was watching him or not, but the truth is that he almost trips over a mound of dirt and scrambles to the alley as fast as he can. He tells himself it's solely to find Yuuko faster and not to make more of an ass of himself, though at this point they're really one and the same.

She hadn't gone far, crouched down between the row of empty trash cans with Emma cradled to her chest. She's not crying, but her body's shaking as she struggles to take deep breaths.

"Yuuko," he says carefully, jogging the remaining distance to where she is. "I'm sorry--"

"Stop," she halts him without opening her eyes, the one word freezing him where he stands. "I'm crisis meditating. Give me another minute, please."

There's nothing for Shige to do but accept that, pacing a few feet away to give her privacy. He doesn't know what "crisis meditation" is, only that it's keeping Yuuko from running away or lashing out at him for being an asshole. Whatever makes her comfortable enough to talk to him, he'll wait around for.

Finally, she inhales sharply and opens her eyes, regarding him disapprovingly as she gets to her feet. She's still a bit shaky and Shige rushes to offer his arm, but she shrugs him off and the look she gives him could have cut diamonds.

"Remember how I told you I was familiar with the gay cisman's dilemma?" she asks, and Shige's barely nodding before she goes on, clearly not wanting a verbal response. "The two options I gave you were the favorable ones. More often than not, they do what you did-- _said_ they were okay with the concept of being with me, only to shun me when we're seen in public together. I'd honestly rather you didn't even bother with me, but it seems like you all are too thirsty for dick no matter how it's packaged."

"That's not..." Shige rushes to refute. "I don't like you because you can fuck me, Yuuko. Even I know that there are plenty of women who would be happy to do that with a strap-on."

Yuuko snorts. "More than you know. I like getting fucked more anyway, but that's beside the point. Being seen as a man and deadnamed isn't as disrespectful as what you just did to me. I was _so happy_ when I saw you, because I didn't expect to see you here, and you just...let me down."

"I'm sorry," Shige says again. "There's nothing I can say to make it better. I understand if you don't want to see me anymore."

"Me?" Yuuko asks. "You're the one who just made it clear that you don't want to be seen with me. Tell me, Shige. Is it because I'm a woman or because I was an escort? Because both of those things are going to come up wherever we go together. Whether it's in Shinjuku Nichome or here in suburban Gakugei Daigaku, I'm still who I am with the past that I have, and you're gonna have to be okay with that."

"I want to," Shige says honestly, and Yuuko gives him a sympathetic look. "I don't even really know those guys back there. I've always just bonded with them because we're all gay."

"And if you're not gay anymore, you lose your entire identity," Yuuko says flatly, and Shige's not certain that she's not wrong. "I've heard it all before, Shige. I keep hoping that maybe the next one will have more confidence in himself, to be something _more_ than a man who only loves other men, but it seems that you're all hung up on the same insecurities. If you're not gay, then who are you?"

Shige opens his mouth to answer, then closes it when nothing comes out. He doesn't have an answer to that. Even with as awful as his job is, he's been open about his sexuality from his first day, casually mentioning his boyfriend who at the time was Masuda. Kuroki is married to a woman (even though it's not recognized in Japan) and Shige is pretty sure that Yokoyama swings _all_  ways, so that was never something he was hazed about. Nishikido will crack buttsex jokes every now and then, but he tends to stick to his repertoire of loud noises that actually get a rise out of Shige.

The timing is awful, but Shige realizes that Koyama may be right after all and Nishikido might stop tormenting him if he stops giving him attention every time he does it.

"You're right," Shige finally says, because it's what Yuuko wants to hear. "All I know is how to be a gay man, because that's all I've ever had to be. I've been through so much and fought so hard to be accepted this way that it's what makes me proud to stand here today. But it's not all I am. I'm also a writer, a lifelong learner, and a mediocre photographer. I'm a lover, an activist, and a pretty decent cook."

Yuuko folds her arms and gives Shige an unimpressed face. "That last one stands to be proven."

"Oh, I don't know," Shige teases. "Masuda likes my cooking, and he's very picky about the chefs he hires."

"You know, I missed out on a lot by being accepted the way that I was," Yuuko tells him, and Shige nods as he listens. "I've heard so many horrible stories about trans kids being kicked out of their houses, or even taking their own lives, that I feel guilty complaining about having boring old relationship problems. My mom was great, my all-girl's school was accommodating, and nobody cared that I had a penis until I started using it to make money."

"We definitely had different upbringings," Shige says, offering his best smile as a truce. "That doesn't mean that we can't find common ground."

Yuuko stares at him for a few very long seconds, then smiles too. "Yeah, you're right. Same team, right?"

She holds out her fist, and Shige bumps it with his own. "Same team, different positions." He backtracks when she bursts out laughing. "Isn't that how it works? I don't follow sports at all."

"No, it makes sense!" she rushes to console him. "I'm laughing because it's funny."

"Okay," he says slowly, glancing over his shoulder where the smell of barbeque is wafting over the fence. "I'm hungry, but I don't really want to go back there."

"So don't." Yuuko shrugs. "I was gonna pick something up on my way home. You're welcome to join me, or you can put your money where your mouth is and show off those culinary skills."

Shige raises his eyebrows. "You're on."

He texts both Masuda and Koyama to apologize for not coming back, then Yuuko loops her arm around his and leads him to a little market around the corner to pick up ingredients. Emma hides quietly in Yuuko's purse on the train, and they walk the remaining distance to Shige's building in amiable silence, enjoying the nice weather.

Shige checks his phone and finds a few missed messages, one of which is a long thread from Koyama detailing how Masuda had tore into Nakamaru after Shige had left, calling both him and Kamenashi transphobes and overall pieces of shit for being so rude to Yuuko and judgmental of Shige for liking her. Nakamaru had immediately apologized, because he's not actually a bad person and probably had no idea what he said was problematic at all, but Kamenashi stormed off even though Masuda had yelled after him not to leave without eating first.

 _I saved you some chicken ♥_ , is all Masuda's message says, and Shige smiles at the thoughtfulness and simplicity.

"So much drama in that group," he mutters after he relays the story to Yuuko, who looks pleased for the first time since she'd first spotted Shige at the barbeque. "Maybe I should hang out with people who aren't gay men after all. I could use a break."

"There's drama in every group of people, isn't there?" Yuuko replies with a shrug. "Drama usually means that someone cares enough to be upset about something, which to me is better than having friends who don't care at all."

Shige thinks about that as they reach his home and he invites Yuuko inside. He enlists her assistance with the meal and quickly learns that she's more of a hindrance than a help, leaving her and Emma to check out his apartment while he throws together something easy yet impressive.

"I should tell you, I don't really care about food that much," she confesses after she takes a bite, when Shige's waiting for her reaction. "It's tasty enough, but pretty much everything is tasty to me."

"Are you even human?" he asks her seriously, and she flings a noodle at his face.

She doesn't stay after they're finished eating, and Shige doesn't insist on it. He wants some time alone to think, and she probably needs some down time after such an emotional day. He leaves her alone for the rest of the weekend, taking the opportunity to do some long overdue soul-searching and decide what he really wants out of this precious life he's been given.

By Sunday night, his career and overall life prospects are still cloudy, but there's one thing for sure--he wants Tegoshi Yuuko by his side, in all of her gender-defying and sex-positive glory, and he tells her as much in a text that takes an hour to craft and twenty excruciating minutes to get a response.

 _Now who's being dramatic?_ she finally sends, littering the chat window with laughing emojis. _One day at a time, loverboy. For now, I believe you owe me a blowjob._

Shige is so on top of the world that even Nishikido making fun of his lunch doesn't get him down. He sits patiently and waits while Nishikido lists a number of unflattering things that Shige's leftovers smell like (stinky feet, rotten eggs, actual douche) before wheeling his chair around their shared cubicle wall, looking at Nishikido's face for the first time in probably three years. His hair is a lot longer than Shige remembers, both on his head and on his face.

"If you would do your fucking job, I wouldn't have to eat at my desk," Shige says calmly. "And nobody douches anymore. It's bad for the vagina."

Yamashita happens to be walking by at that moment and laughs so hard that he falls against the file cabinets. "He got you there, Ryo-chan!"

"Whatever, it stinks," Nishikido grumbles, and Shige grins at him. "What?"

"When was the last time you had a haircut?" he asks. "You look like you live in a trash can."

Yamashita laughs at that too, clapping Shige on the shoulder as he makes his way to Nishikido to bat at his hair. "You should take your lunch break every day no matter what, Kato-kun," he says, giggling when Nishikido swats at him. "The work will still be here when you get back."

"Yes, sir," Shige says obediently, rolling back into his cubicle to log out of his computer. He makes a childish face at Nishikido on his way to the break room, where he clocks out and plays on his phone for a half hour since he already ate.

 _So much for ignoring him_ , Koyama says when Shige shares the good news. _He's probably going to be even louder now that you 'got' him_.

 _I don't care_ , Shige tells him. _I won and that's what's important._

 _You men and your egotistical competitions_ , Koyama replies with an eye-rolling emoji, and Shige resists the urge to remind Koyama that he is included in that category.

 _Yay, Shige!_ is Yuuko's response, and Shige's entire body feels warm from her praise. _By the way, I've been thinking about your hearing thing and there might have a workaround. If you can get a therapist to write a letter saying that loud noises cause you psychological pain, your company has to make reasonable accommodations. It's the law._

Shige frowns at the thought of actively seeking out a therapist, then remembers about Yuuko's dog. _Did you go to law school or something?_ he asks instead.

_Nope! I majored in psychology. I didn't write my thesis, but I didn't have to. I learned what I wanted to know. Anyway, one of my kouhai, Hashimoto Ryosuke, has his license now and writes really convincing letters. I can give you his information, if you'd like._

Shige agrees just to change the subject, but he really does email Hashimoto later in the week when Nishikido is simply unbearable. Koyama was right and he'd taken Shige's roasts as a challenge, baiting him at every turn and being as loud and annoying as humanly possible. It's so bad that Shige bookmarks a few of the jobs in Nishikido's (sloppy) spreadsheet for himself, praying that they don't have extensive application processes.

It turns out that Hashimoto has an opening early Friday afternoon, so Shige rushes to submit a time off request to Yamashita. One good thing about Yamashita is that he doesn't really read his emails and approves pretty much everything. Shige's a little nervous about seeing a therapist, but Yuuko assures him that "Hasshi" is really personable and a session with him feels like hanging out with your best friend.

At any rate, leaving early on a Friday is nice enough, especially when Nishikido gets all bent out of shape about it. Shige would feel sorry for him if he wasn't happily married to his high-school sweetheart with three intelligent daughters, their pictures and accomplishments practically wallpapering his cubicle. Back when Shige was first hired, Kuroki had told him in confidence that Nishikido acts out at work because he's completely emasculated at home, like that's a legitimate reason to mistreat someone.

All of this comes up during his appointment with Hasshi, who seems to be more interested in his history with Nishikido than his hearing sensitivities. Shige humors him with what he knows about Nishikido's personal life, which is much more than he would care to since the man never shuts up about his business. Hasshi twirls his hair as he listens, periodically nodding to encourage Shige to keep speaking.

After about twenty minutes, Shige's tired of talking about Nishikido and segues into his own problems, struggling to describe the exact feeling he gets when he hears the loud noises. "It's like fingers on a blackboard, every time," he eventually decides on, feeling validated by Hasshi's sympathy cringe. "It's worse because he _knows_ it hurts me and he keeps doing it."

"Nishikido-san?" Hasshi prompts.

"Yeah." Shige frowns. "So, Yuuko thinks you can write me a letter that will get him to stop."

"Ah, Yuuko-chan," Hasshi says fondly, seeming to disappear from this reality for a few seconds before abruptly snapping back. "I can write you a letter, but he probably won't stop."

"Won't that defeat the purpose of the letter?" Shige asks, but Hasshi's already lifting a hand.

"Accommodations can be anything from allowing noise-cancelling headphones at your desk to moving you into a more secluded workspace," Hasshi explains. "Neither of those two things are going to get him to stop being loud. He is loud because he is a loud _person_ , not out of any animosity toward you. He may purposely do it more when you call him on it, but that could be his coping method to having his agency taken away."

"His agency?" Shige repeats. "So, I'm the one disturbing him by asking him to stop making my brain hurt?"

"No, Kato-kun," Hasshi says gently, and Shige calms his instinctual anger. "Maybe the noises are calming to him. Maybe his own brain is unfocused and the noises help him stay present. I'm not making excuses for him, Kato-kun--I'm simply drawing your attention to the reasons for his reliance on the noises other than a retaliation method."

"I guess I haven't thought of it that way before," Shige mumbles. "How can we both exist in the same workspace if he needs the noises and I am harmed by them?"

"I'm not sure that you can," Hasshi says, and his frown seems to darken the world. "Between you and me, the symptoms your coworker is showing seems to align with undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder. I know that because I used to do those things too, before I found the right medication. I wonder if you could find it within yourself to be compassionate toward him instead of vengeful."

Shige blinks. "Compassionate? Even if he does have ADD, isn't my peaceful work environment important too?"

"Of course it is," Hasshi tells him, "but nothing good comes from hate and resentment. I'll write you a letter, and you and your supervisor can determine the best accommodations to make within the constraints of the company, but I would implore you to practice lovingkindness through meditation as well. Yuuko-chan can probably help you with that."

"Okay," Shige agrees. He's never been able to clear his mind enough to meditate properly, but he's definitely not opposed to doing anything with Yuuko. "Nothing else has really worked, so I'll give it a shot."

Hasshi grins and promises to email Shige the letter by Monday. Shige leaves the appointment a little earlier than he would have left work, so he stops by Masuda's restaurant only to be approached by the head chef while he's eating the catch of the day.

"I was out of line at the barbeque, about Yuuko," Kamenashi says earnestly, bowing his head. "If she makes you happy, then please bring her around."

"Thank you," Shige replies, offering a small smile as he thinks about how hard it had to have been for Kamenashi to put aside his pride and apologize. Maybe compassion isn't an unobtainable thing after all.

"Being bi isn't a demotion, you know," Kamenashi goes on. "With all the gender fluidity these days, who is even really straight or gay anymore? Aren't we all just people underneath it all?"

"You're absolutely right," Shige tells him, realizing it for himself as someone else says it.

Kamenashi doesn't stick around for anymore conversation, and Shige's glad for it. He's got a big weekend planned, including a sleepover tomorrow night with Yuuko and Emma. As for tonight, he's starting a new writing project. One could say he's inspired.

It's weird to sit cross-legged on a cushion with Yuuko directly in front of him, but holding her hands on their knees makes it more tolerable.

"There's no way this is gonna work," Shige says as he tries to breathe deeply and relax. "Just being here with you has my head racing."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Yuuko says with a grin. She reaches for her phone and places it between them. "This is the most pleasant guided meditation I could find online with no bells or feedback. If it hurts your ears, I can try to do it myself."

"I only get bothered by other people watching videos on their phones," Shige tells her. "If it's something I'm watching or listening to myself, it's usually okay."

"All right then."

Yuuko pushes play and Shige spends the next ten minutes paying close attention to his breaths and sending out his inner love out to different people. The first is someone he cares about deeply, which is naturally Yuuko. Next is someone he doesn't know very well, or someone who is rather difficult, who is definitely Nishikido. After that is everyone in the entire world, and they wrap up by turning the love inward toward themselves.

When it's over, Shige doesn't suddenly feel enlightened, but all of the deep breathing has definitely made him more relaxed. Yuuko's smile as she opens her eyes is nice too, along with the hug she gives him for making it through the whole meditation. If this is the positive reinforcement he gets, he may give it another try.

They settle in to watch a movie, and Shige's deeply engaged in the plot when he feels lips brush against his neck, followed by a giggle at his resulting shiver.

"Cashing in on that blowjob now?" he asks, stretching his neck out to give her unrestricted access.

She pauses the movie and swings a leg over his lap, effectively straddling him. "I was thinking of something a little more interactive."

"Oh?" He drops his hands to her waist and leans up for a kiss. She allows him, cupping his face with both hands as they bring their mouths together over and over again, gradually licking their way into a deeper kiss. Shige hums when they break apart, adding, "What did you have in mind?"

A firm rock of her hips makes it obvious, but Shige keeps up his curious face. She meets his eyes like it's a challenge, interrupted only by her shirt as she yanks it over her head, and Shige's the one to break eye contact when her bare breasts are in his face, small and cute with nipples that instantly harden at the air.

"Do you know what to do with these?" Yuuko asks seriously, and Shige rolls his eyes.

"Men have them too, you know," he says pointedly, then presses his face between them to kiss along her sternum. "I've always wanted to do this," he admits.

She laughs and brings her hands up to squeeze his face between her breasts, which feels so weird that Shige laughs too. Then he lifts his hands to join hers and she lets out a soft noise of surprise, trailing her nails up Shige's arms while he gets used to the soft flesh. She seems to like it when he gently holds them and rubs his thumb along the underside, but she _really_ likes it when he flicks her nipples with the pads of his fingers and eventually his tongue.

"Shige," she gasps, and now her hands are in his hair, keeping his head right where it is. "I wanna ride you right here."

Shige makes a low noise of approval that stimulates her even more, pulling back long enough to pull his own shirt over his head and two sets of hands rush to shove down the rest of their clothes at the same time. Once they're skin to skin, Shige runs his hands up and down her thighs, enjoying the texture of smooth muscles while Yuuko grinds their erections together.

A bottle bumps his hand and his lifts his eyes to find Yuuko giving him an impatient look. "Inside me," she orders. "I like it real wet. Don't worry about making a mess--that's why there's a blanket on the couch."

Shige groans again as he manages to bring his hands close enough together to coat his fingers with lube. It feels backwards to penetrate her without even touching her dick first, so he uses his free hand to stroke her from base to tip while the other finds its way between her legs. He brushes the contracting muscle with a fingertip and Yuuko's next noise is much deeper, her tongue returning to his mouth as he works the digit inside her.

Her own hands roam all over his chest, gripping his flesh when he hits a good spot. He fits in another finger and moves them together, stretching her open and listening for any signs of discomfort. Being as she keeps moaning into their kiss and actively pushing back against the pressure, it's safe to say she's comfortable.

"Shige," she hisses, pulling out of his mouth only long enough to speak. "Hurry up. I want you."

"I will not hurry up," Shige says firmly, kissing the pout right off her lips. "Good things come to those who wait."

Yuuko narrows her eyes, and Shige has approximately three seconds to be worried before she wraps both hands around his cock, stroking the shaft and squeezing the head at the same time. He moans out loud at the combination of sensations, finding himself fingering her harder in response and earning another one of those filthy noises that has him slipping in the third finger.

"You're sneaky," he whispers, and she grins into their next kiss. He reaches over to the side where he'd left the condom from his wallet and presses it into her hand. "Will you help me get this on?"

"Yes, of course," she replies, and Shige moans again as she expertly opens the package and rolls the latex onto his length. Then she lathers him with more lube and it's enough to have him thrusting up towards nothing, though she looks rather impressed when he pries his eyes open to look at her. "You gonna do that inside me?"

"Yeah," Shige answers. He feels a bit like he's in an AV movie, but he supposes he _is_ about to have sex with a professional. Remembering her old job at this moment isn't as bothersome as he would have expected it to be; if anything, he's not worried about doing anything embarrassing or weird. She's probably seen it all before.

He gets in a few more stretches before she tugs at his wrist, scooting up to hover over his cock. It leaves her head a few inches higher than his and she looks down at him, smiling as she leans in for one last kiss before lowering herself onto him. They swallow each other's moans as she sits down all the way, situating herself and her knees before rolling her hips in the most sinful of dances.

She only makes it a couple of undulations before she tears her mouth away, arching so beautifully that Shige's drawn to her, just like the first night they met. He leans forward and kisses along her collarbone, wrapping his arms around her and touching as much of her skin as he can. His hands end up on her hips and he holds her steady as he bucks upward, pulling a moan from Yuuko that sounds like it was forcefully ripped from her lungs. He does it again, and again, sweat building on his back from his efforts.

"Shige," she gets out, choking on the last syllable and sending Shige into overdrive. His forehead finds purchase between her breasts again, which has him bringing one hand up to touch them while the other touches her lower. Yuuko's body starts trembling and Shige feels like the best lover in the world, heightened with each drop of his name from her lips as she rides him faster.

"Yuuko," he breathes, and she makes a pleased noise that has him repeating himself until he can't think anymore, just feel her body all around him and listen to the heavy breaths that escalate as Shige's grip on her cock tightens.

"I'm gonna come," she says, her hips snapping even faster as she spurts over Shige's fingers, then slows down. "Don't stop."

"You're the one stopping," Shige points out as he struggles to take over the rhythm. She gasps when he picks her right up and lowers her onto the couch, gently urging her knees to her chest. "Are you sure it's okay to keep going?"

Yuuko's face is still pink as she nods, reaching down to cup Shige's jaw affectionately as he takes over the rhythm. "I wanna feel you come."

Shige's next groan vibrates both of them as he thrusts into her, working his abdominals more than he has in _years_ as he chases that sweet, sweet release. He feels Yuuko's eyes on him and that gets him there faster, mouthing every piece of skin he can reach as he starts to lose it.

Then Yuuko rakes her nails up his back and he's gone, gladly handing over control of his orgasm as she's the one who inevitably brings it on. He comes so hard that he feels like he's breaking, his body and mind shattering into little pieces that don't quite fuse together again until the oxygen returns to his brain.

"That was so hot," Yuuko tells him, her eyes wide and attentive when he finally manages to focus on her. "Please tell me we get to do that again."

"Of course we do," Shige replies, so worn out that the words pour straight out of his brain with no filter. "You're my woman, right? I have to give it to you good."

"Yeah," Yuuko says slowly, and Shige leans up to kiss her. "I'm your woman."

Being bisexual doesn't feel much different than being gay, especially when he casually mentions his _girl_ friend at work and nobody cares. Yamashita's more interested in his accommodation letter and frowns as he attempts to devise a workaround that will prevent a discrimination lawsuit. Shige doesn't exactly threaten legal action, but Hasshi's intricate wording greatly implies that it's a thing that can happen if the company doesn't make a valiant effort to comply with Shige's hearing limitations.

"I honestly don't think there's anything I can do, Kato-kun," Yamashita finally says, and Shige's not surprised at all. "The specific noises you're complaining about are general office sounds, and the nature of your job position requires you to be up front so I can't put you in an enclosed room. I could put _him_ in one, but then it would be even more difficult to communicate with him, which is also why I can't have you wearing headphones or earplugs. I'm sorry, but you two need to find a way to work together."

Defeated, Shige takes his letter and flings it onto Nishikido's desk. "This is the last effort I'm making to get along with you," he says outright, and Nishikido gradually drags his eyes away from his cell phone to give Shige a indescribable look. "If you can't at least try to be quieter, I'm going to have to find a new job."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Nishikido asks calmly. Shige vaguely notices that he'd gotten a haircut and a shave. "I'll write you a fucking letter of recommendation."

Shige shrugs as he returns to his cubicle. He's shaking, but he doesn't regret anything he just did. Nishikido actually gives him a few minutes of peaceful reprieve, so he tries to recall the meditation techniques he'd learned from Yuuko and feels better after some deep breathing. The usual computer chimes start as Nishikido actually does his job, but the volume on his speakers has been lowered to a much more tolerable level.

It's not a full win, but Shige will take it. The next time Nishikido gets up, the letter is returned to his desk with no further comment or even a glance, and Shige spends the rest of the day struggling to focus on his work instead of the inevitable sounds of the open office.

 _I found a white noise app that might help!_ Yuuko texts him after he relays his minimal success. _It shouldn't bother anyone else or keep you from communicating. It if works, there are actual machines you can buy to save your phone battery_.

Shige gives the app a try and it actually distracts his ears enough to stop latching onto every small noise he hears. Nishikido only comments on it once, saying it sounds like Shige's blow-drying his hair at his desk, but it's not malicious and Shige wonders if he hasn't suddenly grown compassionate toward the most unlikely person after all.

"Maybe you could anonymously email him some ADD info or something," Koyama suggests the next time they meet up, which is more about checking out the hot wings at a local dive bar than any urge to drown Shige's frustrations in alcohol.

"He'd just ignore it." Shige sighs. "His wife is going to be at this company dinner that's coming up. I could casually mention it to her?"

"I cannot _wait_ for that dinner," Yuuko inputs from Shige's other side, teriyaki sauce all over her face as she takes a break from devouring her wings. "I already know what I'm going to wear. Don't worry, Shige. It's very tasteful."

"I'm sure it is," Shige teases her, and she rolls her eyes as she tears into the next wing. "I definitely can't wait to show you off to my coworkers. Yokoyama especially will eat his heart out."

Koyama raises his eyebrows at that, and Shige ignores his knowing look. "I hope you both have fun," is all he says.

"I thought your new bae was supposed to meet us here?" Shige asks, glancing pointedly at his watch. "He's as punctual as you are."

"He's on his way," Koyama says, his face lighting up at the thought of the man he's been gushing to Shige about for _days_. "He works at a bar, so he's not too keen on coming to them."

Shige doesn't make the connection until the bartender from Shinjuku Nichome swaggers through the door, making a face at all of the holiday decorations. "Oh, I know this guy!" Shige exclaims.

"It's Ohkura," the newcomer introduces himself, and Shige sees his smile for the first time. "Is that Yuuko-chan? You look so much different when you're not working."

"I told you, I'm _retired_ ," she insists. "And I only dress up on weekends. It's Tuesday."

"What a small world," Koyama says happily, and Ohkura leans over to kiss his cheek as he sits down. "Too bad Masuda and Nakamaru couldn't join us. This could be a triple date!"

Ohkura looks like he's pleased by the current turn of events, and Shige thinks that he'll probably like this one. Koyama _does_ have good taste in men after all, himself included. As they sit around and talk shit on everyone they know, Shige settles into the comfortable familiarity of being surrounded by like-minded people. Even if Yuuko is a woman, it doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things, and Shige stopped caring how other people defined him a long time ago.

The white noise machine he orders arrives the next week, and Yamashita doesn't say anything when he walks by and sees it in the corner of Shige's desk closest to the shared cubicle wall. Nishikido's still lazy and obnoxious, but he seems to abandon his vendetta against Shige and keeps his outbursts mostly isolated. It's far from paradise, and Shige still has to remind him to do his job more often than not, but that stupid compassion he's been learning keeps him from getting too frustrated about it.

He forgets all about the jobs he had applied for in his last bout of indignant rage until one of them contacts him. It's a content writing-slash-marketing gig for a hotel management company, who wants to pay him to create enticing blurbs on their websites to attract customers. He flies through the interview process and gets his hopes up, only to learn that the salary is _much_ lower than he had anticipated when they finally make him an offer.

"Shige, you _have_ to take it," Yuuko tells him over the phone, the dire necessity of Shige's decision requiring a phone call on their coordinated lunch break. "The pay sucks now, but didn't you say that you'd be primed for a sales position where they pay you to fly around the world and visit all of their clients? Isn't that worth a few years of budgeting?"

"You just want to go to fancy overseas resorts," Shige teases her.

"Well, you're not wrong," she admits. "Is it really impossible to live on?"

"It really is." Shige sighs. "I ran the numbers several times, and there's no way I can pay my rent and all of my bills on this salary, even if I cut out all the fun stuff."

"You know..." Yuuko trails off. "You could get a roommate."

"I don't want to live with other people," Shige grumbles. "I live by myself for a reason. Roommates are inconsiderate and loud."

"Even if she had a cute puppy?" Yuuko asks, and Shige pauses as he realizes what she's implying. "Emma-chan probably wouldn't like giving up her room, but she would get over it. She likes having you around anyway. So do I."

Shige flinches as Kuroki enters the breakroom, paying him no mind as she fixes herself a cup of coffee. "Isn't it too soon to move in together?" he asks, lowering his voice as much as he can.

"You'll have your own room," Yuuko assures him. "Honestly, I could use the help. My savings have depleted since I stopped escorting. Phone sex operators don't make nearly as much as we deserve."

"I suppose we can give it a try," Shige reluctantly admits, and Yuuko's cheer has him smiling despite himself. "We'll work out the details later."

"Call them and accept the job right now!" Yuuko orders. "I'm so happy for you, Shige. We'll have to celebrate! Have you thought about how you're going to give your notice?"

"Only for five years," Shige says, his mood elevating as he realizes he'll finally get to live out all of his previously unobtainable day fantasies.

Kuroki's still standing there when Shige hangs up, staring unseeingly at the TV like she gives half a shit about the leaders of North and South Korea planting a friendship tree. "Shacking up with the old lady, huh?"

"Looks like it," Shige admits, eyeing their only female employee warily.

"Good for you," she finally says. "She was really classy at the dinner last month. She has to be something, if she could turn _you_ straight."

Shige laughs in spite of himself. "Bi," he corrects her.

"Whatever." Kuroki rolls her eyes and walks right out of the breakroom, clearly done with him.

Now that he's alone, he calls the new company and accepts their offer. They agree to wait two weeks, then run through his list of psychological accommodations just to make sure that they have everything ready for him. The position allows him to wear headphones, but there's a quiet break area for him and everyone knows to warn him before they make any exceptionally loud noises, including giving him a head's up about upcoming fire drills.

Shige's almost embarrassed at all of the effort they're making for him, but everyone keeps telling him that this is how corporations are supposed to take care of their employees--he's just not used to it. It's with that mindset that he marches into Yamashita's office the minute he clocks back in, head held high as he presents a letter he's already had typed up for at least a year.

Yamashita pouts, but accepts the notice. "We'll miss you," is all he says, and Shige just nods as he returns to his desk.

Word travels fast and Nishikido acts like Christmas has come early, grinning like the Cheshire cat every time he walks by Shige's cubicle. Murakami offers to take Shige out drinking on his last day, which Shige politely declines, and Kuroki doesn't say another word to him or make any inclination that his departure affects her one bit.

Yokoyama tells him not to let the door hit him in his hot ass on the way out, but Shige would be disappointed if that one hadn't gotten in one last objectification. Besides, his replacement, an openly genderfluid character named Uchi, gives Yokoyama a run for his harassment.

Shige has accumulated a lot of shit in the past five years, taking three empty paper boxes to pack up his desk. Nishikido helps him carry them to his car in a rare display of kindness, and Shige decides not to make fun of him for how funny it looks for such a small man to carry so many boxes at once.

"You should get your brain checked out," Shige calls out as Nishikido turns to head back inside. They're outside, but there's no one else around, and Shige doesn't plan on ever seeing this one ever again after he drives off into the sunset. "I'm not being mean," he goes on. "I think that you display the symptoms of adult ADD, and if that's the case, it would make _your_ life a lot easier if it was managed."

"Everyone's a shrink these days," Nishikido mutters, then sighs as he gives Shige a tired face. "I already know I have ADD. I've tried every medication and they all have side effects, the fun kind where I can't leave the toilet or I fantasize about offing myself. I'm just living my best life with the cards I was dealt, Kato. I suggest you do the same. Thanks for all your hard work up until now."

He disappears through the tinted doors and Shige stares after him, not knowing what to think or how to feel now that he knows the truth. It doesn't matter anymore, but that doesn't stop the guilt from flooding him. He pushes that out of his mind--Yuuko's waiting for him at his own apartment, ready to add even more boxes to his car as they move him into her place.

So much is changing after so long of everything staying the same, and there's nothing Shige can do but move forward and take the future as it comes. He doesn't know if this new job is going to work out, nor the big step he's taking with Yuuko, but what he does know for sure is that he's going to do his best to handle any obstacles that occur as his authentic self. It's terrifying and exciting and what it feels like to really _live_.

As he drives away from his own personal hell for the last time, the sounds he hears are delightful.


End file.
